Before

A few nights ago I was reading an article from Holt, featuring a little boy named Tegegn (the same Ethiopian name given to our Teagan). The little boy is being adopted by our dear friends in New York. He was in the same care center as Teags. In fact, while we were there last year, we met Tegegn because he and Teags were side by side in beds, and his huge infectious smile was impossible to resist. He smiled as we hugged him, and I was able to hug on him and love him. As I read the article, which I have read before, I looked closely at the pictures of Tegegn. In one photo he is in his bed, smiling and interacting with the woman who wrote the article. She had flowers that she was handing to him, and his joy was evident in this picture. Then I looked at the whole picture, and in the background, in a small crib/bed, with high sides and crib rails, sat a little pale, sad looking, sunken eyed baby boy. He looked like he didn't feel well, and you could see that he was taking in the joyful encounter right next to him. The picture was taken in April of 2010. The little baby boy in the background was my son, Teagan. As my eyes were opened to the reality of who was in that picture, I got a huge lump in my throat. My eyes welled up with tears. At first I thought, "No that can't be Teags." So I looked more closely. The curvature of his hand fading into his wrists is the same. The hairline is the same. The shape of his eyes, even though they were sunken in, is the same. The shape of the fingers is Teagan's. Even the small part I could see of his thigh down to the knees, is the same as that of my son. His skin is much more pale and gaunt, than his skin now. But just as you know someone you love dearly, it is unmistakable that the sad little boy in the photo from April 2010, was my son. It was Teagan before us.

I immediately prayed and thanked God for the miracle of adoption. I thanked God for the beautiful picture adoption is for the love that God has for us. You see I know that before God's grace, I was a shell of the person I am in Him. I was a sunken, pale, sad version of the redeemed daughter I am now. It says in the Bible that God has adopted us into a Spirit of sonship. He has given us His name. He has rescued us. The Teagan before us, is just like the me before my Savior. I know that God looked at me before, and knew me, loved me, and would recognize me. He could see the person He would create me to become. I was lonely and longed to be held. Just like Teagan is a vibrant, warm, chocolate color now, I am vibrant and warm because of Christ in me. People fight over Teagan's attention, I fight for his attention, and long to lavish loves and snuggles all over him. God wants my attention, and lavishes love and rich gifts all over me.

Dear friends, adoption is not just a nice thing to do...not just an admirable endeavour. Adoption is the human example of God's love for us; God's vision for us. God sees us before Him. He sees the beautiful creation that is who we will become when others just see the sick looking version of us. He knows every curvature of our being, and He loves us. He brings us in, gives us the Spirit of Sonship, and makes us His own. The me before God is the not end of the story. The Teagan before us, is not the end of his story. So while I saw the picture of my baby, sad and lonely, and I wanted to run and scream, wishing that he had never had to sit there alone; I know that that was just before. Now he is with me, in my arms, vibrant, loved, named, part of his family. Now he belongs. Thank God we are not left in "BEFORE!"