Joyful Lessons

One year ago this week, Kit and I were in Kauai.   This October I have just returned to work after shoulder surgery with my left arm in a sling.  In case you were wondering, I am right handed, but as a family doctor, I use both hands for just about everything.   Tonight my shoulder is aching, and it did all day while I tried to accommodate.   At lunch time, when I opened up Facebook, a picture of Kit and I smiling and sun kissed on the beach in Hanalei greeted me, and initially brought me the warmest joy.  But then, just as quickly as the joy came other emotions crept in, intense longing and restlessness.  Joy quickly departed as I looked at us and began to feel sadness over so much that has happened since.  This shift could be construed as somewhat justified and even logical given the painful road we have been on since March 31^st.  But the point is, joy didn’t have room to breath in the midst of my ache.  So, as I have done so many times since the night that shook us, I prayed about the pain that came from just seeing a lovely memory.  And this is what the Lord gave me.

Those days were joy filled training days for my soul before the grueling trial that fell upon us on a cold dark road.   During that sun kissed and love filled week we were intentional about making the most out of every minute.  We exercised together, explored together, talked for hours about steps of faith and dreams and years spent together loving our children and each other.  We spent long days on the beach, snorkeling amidst fish of dazzling colors, hiking coastlines that are literally breath taking, exploring small farmers markets sampling passion fruits, listening to local singers at tropical bars, sharing delicious seafood and amazing chocolate desserts.  The photos we took together show joy, care free smiles, love and beautiful sunsets that we soaked in.  We drank in life and love on those days away together. 

Those beautiful moments were only possible because I had chosen to face some really big fears and explore places we have never been; I don’t usually like adventures.  I am terrified of sharks. Not just a little, “Oh sharks are scary,” kind of fear.  Like nightmares, and hyperventilating, and avoid the ocean kind of fear. But I swam with turtles and fish, and one small reef shark (we both saw fit to move FAR away from each other.)    I am also horrified at the thought of a rip tide.  In fact, I nearly vomited reading about being swept out to sea while snorkeling, and didn’t pick up the book for weeks after reading about drifting out to open sea prior to swimming lateral to the tide and returning to shore…or something like that.  I’m not even really sure what I read, because it made me feel like I was going to pass out.  We steered well clear of the areas described in our book as “near strong currents”, but I got in the water and saw colors that I never believed could exist on a living creature.  After losing 75 pounds prior to our trip I was more fit than ever and looking forward to hiking the Napali Coast Trail.  But just to be clear, I usually avoid trails described in a trail book as “grueling.”  The review said it was grueling, and totally worth the work for the breathtaking views; it was both, and I can attest to that because we hiked it together.

Not one part of the memories of our trip to Kauai should bring anything but joy and triumph and a sense of adventure.  That week I faced fears, holding the hand of my love, in the warmth of a tropical sun under coconut trees.  We explored beyond my previous limits, and were rewarded with the most beautiful views I have ever beheld.  We cherished each other and our lives together.  We enjoyed new sights, sounds and tastes.  And we did all of those while safe and together and care free.

And as I prayed tonight God showed me the gift of life lessons learned in times of joy that will fuel your soul during times of trial.  Are you pushing yourself?  Each of us will be pushed beyond our limits and fears at some point in life.   Are you drinking in joy?  We will all drink in pain, it is inevitable.  Are you cherishing your loves?  You will face their loss some day, or they will face yours.  Our lives are finite.  Are you experiencing new things during seasons of beauty  (even those that may make you nervous or a little scared)?  We will all experience new things during seasons of pain.  What I learned in those days of grace in Hawaii is that I can do grueling things.  Trust me, our hike, was every bit of grueling.  And I needed to conquer that day before conquering walking again after a broken pelvis.  I knew that I could take fatigued steps because I had done it before.  I enjoyed holding the hand of my love in the sun, and then I experienced standing near him but was unable to touch him on a cold dark road, as he suffered.  What if I never touched him alive again?  I had cherished him well and continue to today.   I pushed through my fears and dove deep into the waves finding treasures I couldn’t even imagine and still marvel at.  In these days since our wreck, I have found depth and healing past my fears of losing my husband and children.   In a season with long days of pain, warm memories of joy are like fires in the soul that warm the sojourner as they travel onward.

The point is this.  The enemy would have me grieving over memories past while I struggle in days present.  Instead, I am going to remember those days and recognize that they are not only good memories.  They were days that taught life lessons and I was a good student.  Life is a classroom.  Joy is a gift.  Suffering is inevitable.  Learning in all things is a choice.  I want to come to the end of my time having learned well, thankful in all things, and filled up with joyful lessons that help guide me through the seasons of suffering.