A Blue Eyed Boy

When I found out our second child was going to be a boy, I was not exactly excited; and this is a fact that I am not proud of.  Being an only child, I knew nothing about boys, and certainly nothing about raising boys.  And sadly, my disappointment was mostly driven by fear.  That said, upon Jacob’s arrival (which was also quite an ordeal), I immediately fell in love with him.  As he grew into adorable rolls and big blue eyes with bleach blond hair my fear was lessened as adoration and curiosity grew. He never thought much before he just dove right into whatever he was doing.  Charm, charisma, laughter and love characterized our little man, and still do today. He loves so very well, and is one of the kindest souls I have ever met.  He is tender hearted and quick to ask, “How was your day?”, and then he lingers to actually listen to the answer.  He has energy that seems to be endless, and I regularly hear how enjoyable he is to be around from other people who have spent even a few hours with him.

And with all of that, I still find myself completely unaware of how to help raise him into a man of integrity, depth and character; which is still driven by my lesser understanding of what drives the male species.  This is not a unique problem, I am quite certain, as there are countless books written on the topic of the differences between males and females.  This uncertainty is only compounded by the reality that even with my 3 boys and 3 girls, not all males are alike, and certainly that is true of females as well.  So as I have endeavored to work through all areas of my life, I have been led to pray over this matter of raising a son with integrity and character.  In these last few years, my prayers have really been transformed from the words I come up with on my own, into praying God’s own words, scriptures, back to Him.  I believe the Bible is a gift, and if God spoke it, nothing I could ever say or ask will be more suited to any situation.

Here is a glimpse into how these prayers have changed: 

Before:  God, please help Jacob become a man of integrity.  Please allow him to be kind to his siblings.  To use all the gifts You have given him for the benefit of those in his life.  Help him to build up his friends and family.  Help him not to be shallow and flippant.  Make him strong.  Please help him stop bickering with us and his brothers. 

And honestly, I still like that prayer for him.  However, with it, I find my heart starting to list all the ways that he can be unkind, or flippant.  I don’t pray those out loud, but my heart tarries on them; my confession to you all.  Often when I pray for another, with my own words, my own human heart and judgment flow in, just a little, and that can be ugly.  I fully believe that others may not struggle with this fault as much as I do, but in honesty, I do struggle.  And so my prayers for Jacob got very simple last year as I began to pray this scripture from Isaiah over him.

Today:  Isaiah 32:2  Lord, please make Jacob a man who is like a shelter from the wind.  Help him provide a still place when our family is facing the winds of uncertainty and fear and change.  Make him a refuge from the storm; just like the quite coves we used to find in the middle of storms on a lake.  When all else is turmoil, Lord help him be a place of safe harbor for the people in his life.  Help him to be like a stream in the desert.  Water gives life, may his words be life giving to those who hear them.  When the world tears down, when others harm, let him be life giving through the words he uses.  And help him to be like a shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land.  The sun can warp and feel relentless.  So can trials.  Lord give him the fortitude to stand up and provide shade, reprieve from the heat that we so often feel in the midst of life. 

I began to pray this passage from Isaiah over the life of my son last year. No listing of the areas where I see he needs to grow.  No listing of his faults; just praying strength over him.  And I am here to tell you, I cannot believe the man of integrity I see before me every day.  These last 4-5 months of our family divided have been so difficult.  Kit and I have never felt such weight as we have tried to help get Naomi back to healing.  The cost has been physical division of our family.  All of our kids have been under strain.  There have been more days with tears that I care to count, mine and theirs.  And through all of that, Jacob Kristofer Stewart has risen up and been life giving, protecting and more like a man than a boy.  He has called me in the middle of the day at work just to tell me that he loves me.  He has sat on the couch next to me, late in the evening, held my hand and told me that it is going to get easier, and that he thinks I am doing a great job.  He has dealt with animals and machinery and chores while I was working and his dad was gone.  He has encouraged his younger siblings to get their school work done, and get it done quickly so that we can enjoy the fun that comes after the work.  He has been quick to apologize when he has blown it.  In the midst of two year old tirades, he will boldly and courageously walk right into the storm Mimi can create and turn her tantrum into laughter.  Bless him. 

Today the delicious rolls of his baby legs are gone.  He is stretching out physically.  His arms and legs are lanky and long.  His hands and feet are those of a man.  And while he is still a boy at times in how he behaves, even that is fading as he grows into a man.  He is a delight of a person, and watching him grow into a man of integrity is my gift. 

Isaiah 32:2

Each man will be like a shelter from the wind

and a refuge from the storm,

like streams of water in the desert

and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land.