A Blue Eyed Boy
And with all of that, I still find myself completely unaware
of how to help raise him into a man of integrity, depth and character; which is
still driven by my lesser understanding of what drives the male species. This is not a unique problem, I am quite
certain, as there are countless books written on the topic of the differences
between males and females. This
uncertainty is only compounded by the reality that even with my 3 boys and 3
girls, not all males are alike, and certainly that is true of females as
well. So as I have endeavored to work
through all areas of my life, I have been led to pray over this matter of
raising a son with integrity and character.
In these last few years, my prayers have really been transformed from
the words I come up with on my own, into praying God’s own words, scriptures,
back to Him. I believe the Bible is a
gift, and if God spoke it, nothing I could ever say or ask will be more suited
to any situation.
Here is a glimpse into how these prayers have changed:
Before: God, please
help Jacob become a man of integrity.
Please allow him to be kind to his siblings. To use all the gifts You have given him for
the benefit of those in his life. Help
him to build up his friends and family.
Help him not to be shallow and flippant.
Make him strong. Please help him
stop bickering with us and his brothers.
And honestly, I still like that prayer for him. However, with it, I find my heart starting to
list all the ways that he can be unkind, or flippant. I don’t pray those out loud, but my heart tarries
on them; my confession to you all. Often
when I pray for another, with my own words, my own human heart and judgment
flow in, just a little, and that can be ugly.
I fully believe that others may not struggle with this fault as much as
I do, but in honesty, I do struggle. And
so my prayers for Jacob got very simple last year as I began to pray this
scripture from Isaiah over him.
Today: Isaiah 32:2 Lord, please make Jacob a man who is like a
shelter from the wind. Help him provide
a still place when our family is facing the winds of uncertainty and fear and
change. Make him a refuge from the
storm; just like the quite coves we used to find in the middle of storms on a
lake. When all else is turmoil, Lord
help him be a place of safe harbor for the people in his life. Help him to be like a stream in the desert. Water gives life, may his words be life
giving to those who hear them. When the
world tears down, when others harm, let him be life giving through the words he
uses. And help him to be like a shadow
of a great rock in a thirsty land. The
sun can warp and feel relentless. So can
trials. Lord give him the fortitude to
stand up and provide shade, reprieve from the heat that we so often feel in the
midst of life.
I began to pray this passage from Isaiah over the life of my
son last year. No listing of the areas where I see he needs to grow. No listing of his faults; just praying
strength over him. And I am here to tell
you, I cannot believe the man of integrity I see before me every day. These last 4-5 months of our family divided
have been so difficult. Kit and I have never
felt such weight as we have tried to help get Naomi back to healing. The cost has been physical division of our
family. All of our kids have been under
strain. There have been more days with
tears that I care to count, mine and theirs.
And through all of that, Jacob Kristofer Stewart has risen up and been
life giving, protecting and more like a man than a boy. He has called me in the middle of the day at
work just to tell me that he loves me.
He has sat on the couch next to me, late in the evening, held my hand
and told me that it is going to get easier, and that he thinks I am doing a
great job. He has dealt with animals and
machinery and chores while I was working and his dad was gone. He has encouraged his younger siblings to get
their school work done, and get it done quickly so that we can enjoy the fun
that comes after the work. He has been
quick to apologize when he has blown it.
In the midst of two year old tirades, he will boldly and courageously
walk right into the storm Mimi can create and turn her tantrum into laughter. Bless him.
Isaiah 32:2
Each man will be like a shelter from the wind
and a refuge from the storm,
like streams of water in the desert
and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land.
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