Thoughts On "Social Distancing"

Mom and dad have been on strict lock down from our household for the last 2 weeks, as we didn’t want them exposed to our east coast travelers or me.  During their down time they have been reminiscing about life and shared with me how when I was a little girl I would come into a room and disarm even the grumpiest of skeptics by flashing my smile and talking their ears off with big wild bouncing curls.  I have no reason to doubt the validity of their memories, doting parents that they have always been, because that same tactic seems to still work on my patients…at least I think that is at least part of what works.  While they were sharing with me last week a knot grew in my stomach…these days my curls are pulled back away from my face in a pony tail, and my smile is covered by a mask in an attempt to protect myself and my patients.  Just another reminder that just about everything in life is currently disrupted for all of us.

My work day feels completely topsy turvy.  From the beginning of the day it’s different.  I take my watch and wedding ring off, they wait for me until I have showered after work to be placed back on.  Instead of nice work clothes, I now go to work in scrubs with a pony tail, and change out of them before I leave the office into traveling clothes, which stay in my car all week; as I undress in the garage down to my skivvies and shower when I first walk in the mudroom.  No more hugs and kisses upon arrival from a long day, those wait until I have showered and my clothes are in the washer on sanitary cycle.  I place my phone in a ziplock bag so that I can still use it for my work day, and take it out before I leave the office. Patient visits are more often virtual these days, so at least they can see my face, but I miss being able to offer the kindness of a gentle touch on the arm, or a hand squeeze when we talk about truly painful life circumstances.  The patients who are still seen face to face don’t get to see my face fully, and there is a new tension in the room that hasn’t been there before….what if either of us is carrying a life threatening virus that could end each other’s lives (or the lives of someone we love)?  And yet, healthcare is still essential.  Disease hasn’t taken a pause in this time of social distancing.  Some ailments must be physically seen, or listened to, or felt.  So the risk is worth it?  Right?  One change that I love, is upon walking into the front of the clinic I stop and pray with our front office staff and lab ladies.  I pray a holy biocontainment bubble over them, and ask God to give us peace so that we can be ministers of peace to the people we contact in this time of unrest.  Then I repeat that process with our nurses in the back. 

We have been a home school family for years, so not going to school every day for most of our kids isn’t any different.  However, Jacob and I have been riding in to his early morning high school drop off this last year, and I miss him now when I leave the house.  Our kids are up later in the day, and bed time hasn’t seemed so important.  Everyone is home and the house has literally never been cleaner.  Seriously, where is the justice?  You could drop over any time right now and enter a house that could almost be photograph worthy clean…except that you cannot come over right now.   We have a permanent odor of bleach hanging in the air, so much so that when I return from work, I smell the faint hint of bleach when I walk in the door, just lingering there right above the food that is being served for dinner.  We clean everything that comes in from the outside before putting it away, and our kids are meeting with their friends on zoom and the virtual gaming world, but haven’t seen any of them for over a month.  I nearly lost my mind over Kit changing our contacts on Google (which matters not one tiny bit).   Apparently we have given birth to another child that we were not aware of.  “Not Me.”  Not Me does a lot of things around the house, and I’m hoping to meet him or her very soon.  We have run out of hangers because none of our clothes linger beyond one day before being washed.  Mimi knows what a fomite is.  Jonathan is most perturbed by the current lock down because he would prefer that people leave the house and leave him alone…this is the introverts dilemma in a big family.  Faith has major abandonment fears since our wreck 3 years ago, and she is terrified that I am going to die, so she has been ultra close….all the words close…all the time close.  Lord, I need grace. 

My other career, outside of medicine is the worship leader at our tiny sweet church in Luther; another role that has been drastically changed.  Thanks to my very rebellious nature, present since my childhood, I never really have learned to play the piano well enough to adequately sing and play at the same time.  So this Sunday, instead of standing with our team, including keys, guitar and drums, I sang in our music room at home, on a zoom meeting, a capella, and alone.  Maybe our church family sang along, but they were all muted, so if they did, I couldn’t hear them.  Singing with our church and worshipping God is the most beautiful gift every week.  Sunday morning is my favorite time of the week, and my anticipation grows from the moment it ends until we are all together again.  And that is gone, for now.  We are a church that eats together regularly.  That is also missing, and we are hungry for time together again.  For now being apart is the safest decision for all of us.  Yes, we know where we are headed when we die.  I don’t believe that most of us fear death, and yet helping usher each other there more quickly is also not on my short list of to-do’s in this life. 

So what do I do?  What do I do in this time of life disruption, time disorientation, relationship separation?  In the middle of this time of disruption, I have been praying through some big questions with God.   “Do I really trust You?  What does that look like?  Do I believe Your Word is true, and if so, how does that actually look translated from my head and heart into my actions?  Do I believe You are really faithful to your promises?   Are You really bigger than I’ve thought You are?”

In Joshua 1 the Lord speaks to Joshua and tells him, “Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified or discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”  I have felt so very lonely this last month.  Okay, yes, I do come home to a household of 8 people, and I see the folks in my office.  But I usually see 17-18 more a day, and also see our friends and move freely around in life.  I am not living alone, and I am not at work completely alone.  But I think many people in this time are actually feeling alone.   Whether a person lives alone, or with one person, or 20 people we can all feel alone.  And feelings are completely real, and do indicate that there is something going on around us, or in us.  But if I take God at his word, He tells me that I am never alone.  He promises never to leave or forsake me.  And if I am completely solo, or cannot find a moment of silence, God promises to be with me.  His Son came to earth, Emmanuel, which means God with us, and before He left He told his followers that the “Comforter, Counselor, Holy Spirit” would come and He would be with them always.  If there was ever a time for the church, the bride of Christ, His followers to rise up and proclaim truth over their feelings, this is that time.  WE ARE NOT ALONE. 

 In Romans Paul writes that “in all things God works for the good of those who love HIM,” which does not mean that only good things will happen to those who love Him, only that He promises to work for the good in our lives in the middle of them.  This situation in the world is NOT good.  It is painful, and people have died horrible deaths, and will continue to do so.  This virus will not differentiate between anything that man esteems or values.  Wealth, health, religious superiority, profession, gender, sexuality, single, alone…this virus doesn’t care.  Financial uncertainty is a reality for every person, some worse than others, and the effects of this virus on our society will continue to reach beyond the halls of a hospital or morgue.  So do I run around, wringing my hands fearful of what may come?  Do I completely disregard the warnings of safety from scientists and doctors?  No.  I trust that no matter what may come God will work for my good and His Glory.  Even in pain.  If these last 3 years have taught my heart anything, it is very clearly this:  God will turn the most horrific circumstances in life into tools that change me and grow me if I will allow Him to do it.  Bad things will happen in this life, to all of us, Jesus promised that.  “In this world you will have trouble, BUT, take heart, for I have overcome the world.”  So bad or good…I’m going to take heart, and cling the promise that God is going to continue to work in the middle of whatever circumstance may come.

So many people are upset about being socially distanced; I am too.  I completely understand the desire to be with each other.  I am an extrovert, with a lot of energy.  My family would probably love to resume my diffusion of that energy on as many other people as possible every day.  But here we are; under wise counsel and legal command, socially distanced.  This will not last. And yet, March felt like it may have lasted a full year, or two.  God has called us to set our minds on things above, to have an eternal perspective on time; which is completely impossible without the Counselor/Comforter, the Holy Spirit.  This life, even if it lasts 100 years, is but a breath in light of eternity.  These months will not feel like loss in the whole of our eternal life.  Oh my word, I miss gathering with our friends, and yet not being together is only going to last a short time, and we have all of eternity to spend with each other.  In fact, I have already made a few reservations for coffee dates in Heaven that may last 1000 years, so what is a few weeks on this side of eternity?  Not much.   So today when I read about a pastor of a mega church being arrested for continuing to hold huge gatherings in Florida, and another planning a huge gathering for Easter my heart sank.   What does it say about our eternal perspective if we value physical proximity over the safety of ours and our loved ones lives?  Do we really think that God cannot be present if we are not in the same space together?  Is He so small or weak, that we must all come together in order for Him to be present?  If we are focused on eternity, and hold time in light of God, who is outside of time, then staying apart for a short period isn’t tragic; and it doesn’t limit God.  There are underground churches all over the world that have been growing exponentially and they can never gather in mass.  They catch moments of time together, or message online, and the Holy Spirit is moving.

On Sunday mornings when I lead our church in worship, I often feel a trembling deep in my core.  It’s not adrenaline, or emotion.   The first time it happened I thought for certain it was because we were all in one room together.  And every time it has happened, I have been with our church family.  But this Sunday morning, with just my family of 8 in the room, and my church family on mute on a zoom meeting, I sat down at my piano, and I started to sing.  I was just singing a prayer really, and the exact same trembling I experience when we are all together happened then, all apart.  Because God doesn’t need to be in a room for us to experience Him.  He doesn’t need us to be in a particular place for us to be together.  And He does not need us to live without hope when we cannot be with our friends and loved ones.  He is with us…and we are never alone.  His Spirit will never leave us.  And He will never stop working for our good, in all circumstances; no matter how alone we feel.  And when He opens the doors, and we are all able to reunite in person the celebration will be EPIC. 

My prayer is that when we all look back on 2020, the year that was cancelled, we will see that God did a deep and mighty work in our lives.  The last time I was grounded for an extended period of time He did a deep work in me, that has continued through to today.  I pray that the church will rise up and serve those around them.  Wouldn’t it be powerful if we would see with an eternal perspective the ways we anchor our trust in people, or plans or a myriad of other things rather than God?  What would it look like if the church really left the building and rose up in the calling that God has placed in their individual lives?  Wouldn’t it be beautiful if we sheltered in place with hope, and not despair; with the fragrance of Heaven and the tantrums of man?  What if we saw this time, that has been allowed by God, as a chance to slow down, and let Him really work on each of us individually?    

3 years ago exactly I was given a gift.  Yes my family was spared…so actually many gifts.  But I was given a season to sit and heal; a season to rest.  I would not have chosen what happened to us, and still would not, but God allowed it.  And during those months I sat and listened to the Creator of my heart.  He had so much to say and teach, and I was a captive audience.  This virus is here.  We are all on a time out.  My prayer for you is that you will listen to what He wants to teach you.  You are not alone.  He is working for your good.  He is speaking.  Are you listening?