Fuel

I am back to work part time.  Initially I thought that I would be ready for full time work after just 2 weeks back.  That was a bit optimistic, and likely fueled by my desire for our lives to back to some semblance of normal.  However, I'm not sure why I try to rush things, as we don't know what normal is really going to look like once this journey transitions away from physical healing and brokenness.  But I digress.  Today, I was visiting with a patient and asked her about the foods she's been eating.  She has an autoimmune disease, and we spent some time discussing the importance of giving her body good fuel.  Healthy, clean building blocks for her body to use to combat her disease.  As she left I continued to think about healthy fuel, as it has been a recurring thought for me during these months of healing.  

Thankfully Kit and I had been eating well and exercising before this accident.  With the exceptions of some very delicious cheating foods (which I think are necessary to maintain sanity), we had been clean eating, making foods from scratch, and avoiding most processed foods.  Along with regular exercise, we were both incredibly healthy prior to March 31.   But even more important than what we had been ingesting, we had been feeding our minds with healthy things as well.  

In January, I had been awoken several nights in a row by dreams about us going into battle.  After discussion with Kit we had been praying with our kids regularly one on one, had been reading our Bibles on a year long reading plan together, and had been reading some really outstanding books together, as well as listening to sermons on podcasts.  We felt that we were preparing ourselves for whatever may have been coming, without knowing what was coming.  In fact the Bible study that our woman's group at church had finished in the fall was "Living Victoriously in Difficult Times", followed by "Forgiveness."  Little did we know that difficult times were ahead or that we would find ourselves in a profound place of needing to forgive.  

After we came home from the hospital we found ourselves in a place we had never been before.  Broken.  Isolated from the world that was continuing to move on.  Incapable of doing any of the activities we had ever done to help cope with stress or heartache.  Incapable of parenting our children.  To say that we were in a battle or difficult times, was an understatement.  And trying to fill our time while being completely incapable of normal physical function was definitely a daunting task.  So we started doing the same things we had been doing before.  We listened to sermons, and found some new pastors to listen to.  We began to read new books, or old ones over again.  We listened to worship music.  We spent time reading our Bible.  We fueled our hearts with healthy truth, while we began to wade through the torrent around us.  

Just as I fully believe fueling the body with good, healthy things is important, fueling the heart and mind with healthy things is probably more important.  We are back to clean eating, with the exception of some occasional Wild Table treats (Pizza tonight), and our bodies are healing and feeling stronger.  But even more importantly, we are fueling our minds with the truth:  God is for us.  He is fighting our battles.  He is working for our future, and is waiting for us there with open arms.  These truths don't always feel true.  What feels true is that we may have pain forever, as we haven't been free of it for months.  What feels true, is that we may never be completely whole again, or functional again, as we find ourselves in hospitals, clinics, ERs and therapy repeatedly.  But when our tactile senses try to lie to us, we simply rest on the truth we've fed our hearts, and trust that God is not done with the Stewart Crew.  

As we prepare to leave for Minnesota tomorrow, I am taking pictures of pages from our books, so my carry on won't break my pelvis again.  We are walking forward in confidence and hope, that answers are on the horizon, and God is going to direct us towards physical healing for Naomi.  And while we are in a large city, we will be taking full advantage of the presence of Ethiopian restaurants to help fuel our bodies.