Traditions
The 4th of July festivities in Red Lodge are EPIC! Parades daily for 3 days, daily rodeos, barbecues and picnics, fireworks, candy that never seems to end. Starting on July 2nd the Stewart family is basically committed to one fun activity after the next. 3 packed days of fun and celebrations. And this year is no exception. The Stick Together Stewarts love some traditions. We love getting tons of candy to make our car trips through Yellowstone. We love Christmas morning (and all day) in our PJs with Prime Rib for dinner. We love Advent month devotions, and candles and carols. We love watching the movie Groundhog Day on Groundhogs Day. We love themed birthday parties with Pinterest inspired cakes. We love the Christmas Stroll on the first Friday of December. We love going to the rodeo on July 2nd and then the Nelson picnic on the 3rd, and parades for 3 days, and watching fireworks and sleepovers at the grandparents on the night of the 4th. And this year is no exception.
But I have to say, this year is much sweeter than any year before. Perhaps it's because I keep thinking about how it would have been so devastating if even one of us wasn't here; gone on the road that night. Remembered by a white cross or crosses along Highway 212. I'm pretty sure that we wouldn't have been able to do any of our normal traditions without severe pain and grief. I am thankful I don't have to know what that 4th of July would have looked like. Perhaps this one is so much more special because I am absolutely aware of how much I love each of our children, and my husband and our families; and also this community which has loved us so very well these last months. As we rode in our "Thank You" float today I really just wanted to get out and hug people. My gratitude is almost too much for me to keep inside. Kit and I find ourselves wanting to linger in conversations with people, hanging on words, wanting conversations to mean something. We are rarely in a rush, because just being here, drawing breath as a family is evidence that we have already arrived. (Well that and my pelvic fractures have slowed me down a bit, so I really can't rush even if I want to.)
In this new normal our traditions are also a little different...no stress to make them something that they have always been, just joy that they can actually be, because we are still all together. I don't really care if our pictures have funny poses, or snotty noses, or crazy expressions, because I am so grateful to be standing surrounded by our entire family. I wish that I could say I've always been this way. And to some extent I have been partially, but something shook free from my desire for control as we spun around in our car that night. It was like my compass was realigned. When I thought that Kit and Naomi were gone, all I wanted was my family complete. Their absence shattered my soul. When they were both given back to me I was given the most beautiful gift. Not just their lives, but a new ability to appreciate and love all our lives without the desire to make something fit my idea of perfect. Perfect for me is together. Traditions are fabulous...but they don't make anything wonderful in and of themselves. It's who you share those traditions with that make the moments special.
But I have to say, this year is much sweeter than any year before. Perhaps it's because I keep thinking about how it would have been so devastating if even one of us wasn't here; gone on the road that night. Remembered by a white cross or crosses along Highway 212. I'm pretty sure that we wouldn't have been able to do any of our normal traditions without severe pain and grief. I am thankful I don't have to know what that 4th of July would have looked like. Perhaps this one is so much more special because I am absolutely aware of how much I love each of our children, and my husband and our families; and also this community which has loved us so very well these last months. As we rode in our "Thank You" float today I really just wanted to get out and hug people. My gratitude is almost too much for me to keep inside. Kit and I find ourselves wanting to linger in conversations with people, hanging on words, wanting conversations to mean something. We are rarely in a rush, because just being here, drawing breath as a family is evidence that we have already arrived. (Well that and my pelvic fractures have slowed me down a bit, so I really can't rush even if I want to.)
In this new normal our traditions are also a little different...no stress to make them something that they have always been, just joy that they can actually be, because we are still all together. I don't really care if our pictures have funny poses, or snotty noses, or crazy expressions, because I am so grateful to be standing surrounded by our entire family. I wish that I could say I've always been this way. And to some extent I have been partially, but something shook free from my desire for control as we spun around in our car that night. It was like my compass was realigned. When I thought that Kit and Naomi were gone, all I wanted was my family complete. Their absence shattered my soul. When they were both given back to me I was given the most beautiful gift. Not just their lives, but a new ability to appreciate and love all our lives without the desire to make something fit my idea of perfect. Perfect for me is together. Traditions are fabulous...but they don't make anything wonderful in and of themselves. It's who you share those traditions with that make the moments special.
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