Wounded

I feel wounded.  13 weeks of work and progress and set backs; beauty and intense pain.  My heart is broken, and my pelvis still is too.  Our daughter is not even close to healed, as we still don’t know exactly what is wrong with her.  Kit is on medication that puts him at risk of having bleeding in order to keep him from having a clot that could kill him by passing into his lungs.  I can return to work, but not fully.  Faith is back sleeping in our bed, as seeing Kit in the ER shook her foundation again.  It shook mine too. As we waited and talked with the doctors I felt transported back to that night.  A night marked with emotions so deep I feel like drowning when they resurface.  Being there brought up the hours of uncertainty about our lives and future.  And being there deepened the wounds which began that night.    

And alongside my wounded heart is the absolute knowledge that God is here, with us.  Every day, no matter the struggle we have faced, He has given us beauty.  Like the fact that only 10% of people have 2 femoral veins.  The largest vein in the leg, that drains most of the blood from the distal leg to help it return to the heart.  When that vein is full of clot, damage is done to its structure that puts people at risk for long term blood flow problems, swelling and pain long after the clot it gone.  But when God made Kit, He made him with 2 femoral veins.  They are both very large. One is filled with clot, the other is not.  He has another pipe to drain the blood from his leg.   Gift.  And one given long before we would even imagine that we would need it.

We are leaving in one week to see the specialist for Naomi.  My hope is not in this man, but in the One who created him too.  If he isn’t the right person, then the door will open for us to find help for her with someone else.  As he was brought to us, not through my work or great striving, but because God opened the door for us to find him…just the right person for this time.  We are praying for answers and a solution.  We believe that her suffering is going to come to a close.  And today we are resting in the One who made her, and is going to make her whole again. 

We believe that God is working.  He is going to guide us through these days that are uncertain for us, but are not for him.  He has written our days, and He will help us with our needs in each one. 

“Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.  If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.   For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  Your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalms 139:  7-14, 16.